Mindfulness

In a fast-paced and digitally-driven world, it’s easy to get caught up in our thoughts and agendas, often forgetting to listen to others. As described in the Surgeon General’s Advisory on Loneliness and Isolation, forgetting to listen to and failing to prioritize listening to others puts us at less than our best. It can leave us lonely. We can bridge these mindfulness gaps with enhanced social skills. Imagine a world where we consciously listen to others as if they matter. This is not just about hearing the words spoken; it’s about genuinely understanding and empathizing with the person behind them. Building strong interpersonal skills can combat loneliness. It can also make us more mindful!

Introducing a new mindfulness practice: listening to others as if they matter. Adopting this practice can deepen our connections, foster stronger relationships, and cultivate a more compassionate society. It requires us to slow down, observe our own thoughts and actions, notice well enough to describe our feelings if needed, regulate ourselves as needed, have our inner experiences without judging them, and have inner experiences without having to react to them. These requirements of active listening are also known as the “Five Facets of Mindfulness.”

Listening to others as if they matter allows us to validate their feelings, experiences, and perspectives. It shows respect, empathy, and appreciation for their individuality. It goes beyond surface-level conversations and invites a deeper sense of connection. Our being our best Selves toward another brings us closer to being our best Selves in general. Caring to listen makes us better. In this way, using interpersonal skills for deep listening means improving our own physical and mental health and that of the person to whom we are listening without judgement.

So, how can we incorporate this practice into our lives? Join us as we explore practical tips, techniques, and perspectives to help you become a more present and compassionate listener. Let’s create a world where everyone feels heard, valued, and understood.

Mindfulness has been defined as “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally” (Kabat-Zinn 1990, p. 4). It is a common misunderstanding that “mindfulness” involves emptying one’s mind, chanting a mantra, or practicing alone or silently in a group. Researchers Baer et al. have assessed five facets of mindfulness measured in their Five Facet Mindfulness Questionnaire (FFMQ). Interestingly, these five facets, shown below, are remarkably like the four (or sometimes five) characteristics of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), specifically, Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Awareness of Others, Motivation (the fifth, implying motivation to do something more effectively, interpersonally), and Relationship Management. Baer et al.’s Five Facets of Mindfulness are:

Observing: This means paying close attention to what’s happening around you and inside you. You notice things like your feelings, thoughts, and what you see and hear without reacting immediately.

Describing: This part is about putting your experiences into words. You learn to talk about your feelings, thoughts, and what you sense in a way that doesn’t judge them as good or bad.

Acting with Awareness: This is about doing things with full attention. Instead of just going through the motions or getting easily distracted, you focus on what you’re doing right now.

Non-Judging of Inner Experience: This means not being hard on yourself for what you think or feel. You try to accept your thoughts and feelings without deciding if they are right or wrong, and without being too critical of yourself.

Non-Reactivity to Inner Experience: This is about feeling things like thoughts and emotions without needing to react to them. You learn that you don’t have to act on every thought or feeling. Instead, you can just notice them and let them go.d

Relational Mindfulness

Relational Mindfulness is a transformative approach to interpersonal interactions, encompassing three core actions: seeing others with reverence and curiosity, self-regulation, and validating understanding.

Firstly, seeing others with reverence and curiosity entails approaching each interaction with a sense of respect and a genuine desire to understand the other person’s perspective. This approach shifts the focus from judgment to empathy, fostering a deeper, more meaningful connection.

Secondly, self-regulation is crucial. It involves managing one’s emotions and reactions, particularly in challenging situations. One can respond rather than react by staying calm and centered, maintaining a constructive and respectful dialogue.

Finally, validating understanding is paramount. This involves actively listening and paraphrasing what the other person has said. Such a practice confirms that their message is understood, demonstrating care and respect. It also confirms that the way in which you focused on their verbal and nonverbal communication facilitated connection and engagement and that you successfully managed yourself well enough to keep your opinion or bias out of your paraphrase.

Relational Mindfulness can be understood as the Five Facets of Mindfulness experienced, practiced, and developed in interpersonal and social contexts.